High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
These tits shall not be calmed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
