come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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