You smell like stripper and shame
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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