We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
