i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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