i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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