My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
