There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
