dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
