there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
