As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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