im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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