Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
