just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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