Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
being pregnant is like rehab
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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