you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
