great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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