i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
