He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
