You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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