he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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