He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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