i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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