Soap is not a condiment
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
