pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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