Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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