I think i peed on brittanys purse
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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