just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
