the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
