using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
