I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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