o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
