Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
