I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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