This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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