Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
