its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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