your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
