So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think people are normalizing furries
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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