i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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