ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
