I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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