And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
