i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
