If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
