Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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