New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
