Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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