my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
NoShamevember. You game?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
