I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
