I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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