she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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