Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
